


Lightning Round

by imcaptainrum



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Awkward Dates, Class Differences, Fluff, Humor, M/M, POV Alternating, Romance, Snark, Speed Dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 21:51:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5886637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imcaptainrum/pseuds/imcaptainrum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Best friend etiquette often means subjection to said best friend's bad ideas, even if they are well-intended (Roxy) or really are a form of torture (Merlin). Unlucky with love Eggsy Unwin has been through one bad date too many and if Roxy has her way, he'll have several more. Seriously, someone spare him. Meanwhile, staunch bachelor Harry Hart has been dragged from terrible dating function to terrible garden party by a post-breakup Merlin attempting to bring Harry into the world of mature, adult relationships. But really, speed dating?</p>
<p>What seemed like a bust for our unlucky duo turns out to be quite fruitful as Eggsy and Harry meet and sparks fly.  But certain besties don't approve and awkward dates simply won’t disappear. </p>
<p>Seriously guys, let them fucking kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lightning Round

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lazulisong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazulisong/gifts).



> I've been dealing with illness on and off for the past couple months, tremendous pain it is. I'll be steadily posting chapters as I clarify them and edit (as a good amount was written while I was sick and/or on medication, haha.) Spacing out a gift makes it a bit more enjoyable, no? 
> 
> I took inspiration from your second prompt, lazulisong. I hope you like it. 
> 
> Also, disclaimer: I don't know shit about wine. I don't even drink. Blame the posh people, they're always drinking. It's rather worrying.

“What exactly are we hostin’ tonight?” Eggsy inquired. “Some sort of toff speed dating?” He glanced over at Roxy. She was smoothing out the last tablecloth for the setup.

“No, I wouldn’t…Okay, perhaps that’s what it is. But we aren’t calling it that”, Roxy conceded, shrugging. “It’s a wine tasting with five minutes of conversation. After the five minutes are up, a person moves to the next table and they are served a new wine with a new partner and so on. Chance to crack open the new shipments and get some word of mouth going, Victoria said.”

Eggsy scoffed, “Gotta posh it up, yeah?” He assessed the ten tables, straightening a chair near the end of the second row.

Roxy giggled and then with a haughty, “You know it, Mr. Unwin”, flounced off to retrieve the flowers in a near perfect imitation of some of the women frequenting Saville Row.

He watched her go, chuckling at her antics before turning back to assess the setup. Almost done but… He sighed, nerves already setting in. He was still learning the extensive spring wine list. Thankfully Victoria, the owner, was patient with his pronunciations and repeated mangled Italian, but he’s sure a fair share of customers wouldn’t be so forgiving. Fucking snobs, he’s trying.

The weather refused to let him dwell for long however. The doors and windows were wide open on this warm spring day, a new energy seeming to imbue the city’s buzz. Even Eggsy had to admit to feeling it, the heaviness of winter finally long gone.

A breeze sent the curtains aflutter, bringing with it the scent of newly bloomed lilacs from out front. Eggsy took in a breath, his hair ruffled out of place as the air twisted past, and released it, tension soothed if only for a moment.

The soft lighting of the mid-afternoon sunlight gave a golden hue to the wall trim and brightened the soft blue of the plaster, creating an image of a swell of the Mediterranean lapping along a coastline. The white of the tables matched the Greco-Roman columns splitting off the interior into sections. Bursts of color in scenic portraits lined the walls, and a beautiful mural along the ceiling seemed to move in the flashes of sunlight, peaking through the soft flutters of cloth.

The upscale Omertà had a simplicity to it, a quiet serenity that had provided Eggsy a center these past few weeks in the chaotic wake of completing uni and finally finishing moving into his own place. With his little family safe and sound in their own flat, he was confronted with time on his own terms at last.

Well, until he had to serve the local silver arse-spoons collectors club.

Eggsy swept back his hair before double checking his crisp shirt for any wrinkles in the mirror next to a rather captivating image of narrow Florence streets. A little adjustment to his black tie and Eggsy had to admit he looked good.

“So…”, Roxy appeared next to his shoulder, holding the new vase full of daffodils. “I’ve got another prospective date for you.”

Eggsy winced. He adjusted his cuffs in lieu of an immediate reply. The last date Roxy had set him up on ended with a drink in his face and a rather rank one too at that. The one prior was even worse, more of a sexual proposition than a first date. Eggsy still felt uncomfortable thinking about it. He was not keen on another disaster, thank you very much.

“Think I’m gonna pass, Rox. These dates just not working out for me.” Taking the vase, he placed it on the empty table.

“But Eggsy-“, she implored, handing him another vase. “I think you’d really like this one.”

“You’re aces for doin’ this though, thanks for bein’ such a good bruv.” He smiled and patted her shoulder, hoping she wouldn’t feel too bad. Eggsy knew she meant well, but there’s no getting passed him being a chav for some people. At least he had a little pug JB to go home to now.

He brought the daffodils to his nose, inhaling their subtle scent before placing them down. He didn’t want to talk about this.

Roxy frowned but returned to the rest of the flowers, another waitress soon joining her. Feeling bad, but relieved nonetheless, Eggsy wandered off to chat with the sommelier. He was hoping to get Avignonesi to not sound minced to bits.

\----

Harry sighed, “This is the last bloody time, Merlin. If I have to sit across from one more conceited twit, I’m going to give-“.

“Oh, stuff it.” Merlin replied, side-eyeing his grumpy friend. “ ’s not like it’s a hardship, you get more attention than me.”

“That’s because baldness is an acquired taste”, Harry quipped, smoothing down his suit lapels and shifting to see their destination as the taxi came to a halt. He was rather dreading this afternoon but at least he knew the place.

It had been some time since he and Merlin had last visited Omertà, a bit of a diamond in the rough among the typical hot spots. It had a bit of an island effect as the hustle and bustle faded away. Work at the shop had been busy as the rich and posh hurried to update their wardrobes to ready for the onslaught of dinners and gardens parties they were planning and attending. Not busy enough, however, as Harry had already been to more of these social gatherings than he ever wanted, dragged around by a rather insistent Merlin.

A bit ironic coming from a man nearly shackled to his electronics at times. But he supposed everyone handles breakups differently.

Stepping out the pair made their way to the entrance, noting the new blossoms adorning the exterior’s rustic finish. Spring really was finally here.

“By the way, I’ve already signed us up for another in two weeks.” Merlin smirked as Harry let out a rather impressive stream of expletives at Merlin’s back. Under his breath, of course.

Inside, the restaurant acted as a calming balm for Harry. His eyes traced the mosaic tiles along the floor, recalling the raucous party his coworker’s had thrown when he had taken over Kingsman about a year ago. It took Percival months afterwards to erase all footage of himself at the party, or at least all the evidence he thought existed. Blackmail was handy.

The sound of laughter drew Harry’s gaze elsewhere, pulling him out of his memories and away from the decor.

Serge the sommelier was chatting by the island bar with a young man, ash blond hair lit a soft gold in the afternoon’s rays. Whatever Serge said had his companion in stitches, a wide grin lighting up his handsome face.

Now Harry was a practical man, bar outlandish maneuvers during his days back in ops and as such would not say he felt his heart skip a beat, but he was willing to admit that he was staring. How ungentlemanly, his mum would have words.

A throat was cleared and Harry was once again pulled away, turning to face Merlin.

“Alright there, Harry?”, he asked, eyebrows raised. His eyes darted between Harry and the men by the bar.

“Yes, quite fine.” Aside from being mildly alarmed how close he came to effusing poetic lines comparing the young man to a flower opening up to the sun’s first creeping rays on an early morn. Harry is half sure Merlin would be able to pick up on that, he already knew too much about everything as it stands.

Harry took in a breath, “Now, we should go greet Victoria or she’ll be rather cross with us. I bet she missed you, Merlin.” Harry smirked. Now Merlin was the one muttering swears under his breath. Sweet revenge.

\----

Victoria Simanov would not look out of place as the reigning monarch with all of the imposing grace she seemed to exude, dressed in tasteful white. She’d owned the place going on ten years now and its steady clientele were always delighted to see her again.

She seemed to float across the floor, a smile blossoming on her lips as she spotted the pair.

“Harry. It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?” She approached the duo, Harry bending down to give her cheek a kiss in greeting. “Don’t tell me”, she tutted at Merlin, “you’re here for the speed dating, Merlin?”

“Not everyone can have your luck with love, or Harry’s staunch avoidance of it”, Merlin said blandly, politely inclining his head. He and Victoria were not that close, thanks to a bad incident involving a stolen prototype (which was mysteriously wrecked) years back in the Alps.

Victoria and Harry shared a look, both long since accepted the Scot’s abrasive attitude at times.

“As always, please ignore Merlin. He has absolutely no manners at all lately, a bad side effect of being dumped.”, Harry said sagely. 

“You’re an utter prick, Harry”, Merlin scoffed before turning to greet some of the wait staff. It seems there were a couple of new faces among the regular group.

Harry snickered, waving him off before sobering. 

“Now, I must know.” Harry turned back to Victoria, she still bemused at Merlin’s hang-ups.  “You said you had some trouble a few weeks ago? Is everything alright now?”

“Yes, nothing too concerning.”, Victoria waved it away. “Just some misguided youth thinking they could give me shit.”

“Are they still breathing?”, Harry asked, feigning concern.

“I believe so. I didn’t have to intervene. A nice young man was of great help, gave them a good beating and telling off. Even apologized for the damage and offered to make it up to me too. Quite the gentleman.”

She paused, a twinkle in her eye.

“And oh, you must meet him. He’s a new waiter here and is serving tonight. I think you’d rather like him.”, Victoria said with a sly grin.

\----

Victoria turned towards her staff, currently milling about as patrons began to arrive for the event.

“Eggsy!”, she called and much to Harry’s secret delight she waved over the young man from earlier.

“Yeah, boss?” Up close, the young man, Eggsy was even more captivating with his blue-green eyes and open face, soft lips contrasting with a sharp jawline.

“I’d like you to meet Harry Hart, a dear friend of mine. Harry, this is Eggsy Unwin.” She gestured between the two.

Eggsy seemed a bit unsure, assessing him silently with a sharpness that Harry had been on the receiving end of before in the service.

“Victoria was just telling me about how you helped her out with some…trouble weeks back”, Harry lips curled in a smirk.

Eggsy glanced at Victoria who nodded, smiling in encouragement. Seemed Victoria was rather fond of Eggsy already.

“Oh, yeah. “ Eggsy’s shoulders lost some of their tension, a hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. “’t’was no problem. Pretty sure, Vicki could’ve handled herself, but no fuckin’ way was I going let those goons harass her like that. Fucked them up good and gave them a right talkin’ to.”

Taking in Eggsy’s form, the lean cut of his waist and the broadness of his chest and the confidence he carried himself with, Harry didn’t doubt that the band of blockheads responsible received more than their fair share of bruises.

“Were you in the military, Eggsy?” 

“Did some Marine training, but dropped out to take care of my mum.” Eggsy seemed to hover around that for a moment. Expecting some form of criticism. 

“Ah, that’s unfortunate but an admirable reason all on its own.”, Harry assured, careful to address Eggsy with direct eye contact. Harry had no criticisms here. 

“Is she okay now?”, Harry followed up.

Momentarily forgotten, Victoria took a step back from the pair, pretending to busy herself as she watched them. Her little spark of madness may be paying off.

With that answer, Eggsy seemed to finally relax and Harry found a part of himself rather pissed that Eggsy would be judged for putting family first. They probably only saw the young man for his accent and background and deemed him a failure.

“Yeah, me mum and sis are safe and sound. Mum’s got a good job managing a bookstore and little Daisy’s real happy at school now. Sweetest lil’ girl you’ve ever seen. Got ‘em away from me shit step-dad years back. Just finished up university after saving up and got my own place too.”

By now Eggsy had lit up, gesturing in excitement.

“That’s excellent, Eggsy. I’m very glad you managed to turn things around. You seem very driven”, Harry said.

He got a sweet smile in return for that, before Eggsy shook his head as if to clear it.

“Oh! I’m being a bit rude, yeah? Talkin’ on about me when I haven’t asked you nothing.”

“Nonsense.”, Harry replied, a laugh escaping unbidden. He hadn’t had anything this engaging at those fucking awful garden parties the last few weeks nor this sense of ease.

Eggsy seemed a bit startled, red on his cheeks. It was rather endearing.

Clearing his throat, Eggsy asked, “Since you know Victoria, did you use to be in the military?”

Harry paused for a moment, watching Eggsy lean in eagerly.

“Yes, but I cannot say much more than that”, Harry teased.

"Le'me guess, classified, ya?” Eggsy smiled, grin crinkling his eyes and Harry can’t help but feel charmed.

"Something like that.", Harry returned. A grin played on his lips as he watched Eggsy’s eyes widen.

“What did you-“, they both started before they were interrupted.

A throat was cleared, pulling Harry and Eggsy out of their banter. Merlin was eyeing Harry suspiciously, he didn’t know how long he’d been standing there. Nor did he know how he could drifted from his surroundings, clearly caught up in this bright, determined young man.

“We should go to our seats and let them finish readying everything, Harry.”

Harry nodded, conceding as the maître d’ began to direct people to their seats. Half the men and women were directed to sit, split between the two rows while the remaining ten were to be lead to a seat at random. After five dates, the groups would switch with the previously seated going down the new row of dates.

He nodded to Victoria before turning back to Eggsy.  

\----

“Lovely to meet you, Eggsy”, Harry said, hand warm and strong as it clasped Eggsy’s before he turned and followed his disgruntled friend towards the seating area.

Eggsy blinked back into focus. Having Harry’s attention was intense, his dark brown eyes razor sharp but warm. It was not often a posh older gentleman would be so willing to listen to him. Really listen to him. And Harry was not too bad to look at either. Not even remotely a hardship.

“Now as you know, 2 tables of patrons each”, Victoria instructed, appearing out of thin air it seemed.

Eggsy continued to watch Harry retreat, however, admiring the sleek cut of his suit clinging to broad shoulders tapering to a slim waist and mile long legs. Maybe he could inquire about Harry’s suit make, you know, for science.

“I want you to have Harry- …”

“Uh…”, Eggsy blinked and refocused on Victoria, a redness creeping across his cheeks.

“…-’s table as one of yours.”, Victoria continued. “He’ll treat you well.” Thankfully she did not point out Eggsy’s previous preoccupation and he had to take a deep breath and ignore all the potential implications of that last sentence.

“Special guest?”, Eggsy asked, genuinely curious. It’s not often Victoria would speak so warmly of a patron, but then again, Eggsy had only been here for a short time.

“Yes, he is the one who introduced me to my dear husband all those years ago in Venice and I can’t thank him enough.”

“Really?”

Eggsy had met Ivan, her husband, a few times in these past weeks. He and Victoria were a bit of unusual pair as far as the rich and posh go. Ivan had regaled stories of their last anniversary when they went BASE jumping in South America. Victoria had joined in and told him of the one prior to that, where they detonated old WWI mines somewhere in Europe. He’s still not sure if that was done legally.

Victoria giggled, “I may tell you about it sometime. You don’t mind, Eggsy? ”

“No, not at all. You’re the boss, Vicki”, Eggsy shook his head. He wouldn’t mind talking to Harry a bit more between glass pours and seeing him smile more up close.

“Good”, Victoria replied. “I can guarantee he’s going to be plenty entertaining. Now let’s get this show on the road and watch the rest of these stuffed shirts try and out talk each other.”

Eggsy laughed at that, maybe this won’t be so bad.

\----

Harry settled in his seat, eyeing the empty glass and the looming empty chair across from him.

He looked up as Eggsy passed by the table, their eyes meeting and Eggsy giving him a cheeky wink. Perhaps he’s not the only interested party here.

Harry continued to track his smooth movements. The simple uniform did wonders, encasing shifting muscles and an easy grace. Those pants were quite flattering.

“We’re not here to flirt with the bloody wait staff, let alone a child.”

Pulled away, Harry glanced to his left as Merlin settled in his own seat at the adjacent table.

“Correction. You’re here to flirt with whomever plops themselves across from you, bar myself of course. Meanwhile I, am free to do as I wish.” Harry was used to Merlin’s judgement of his choices, but honestly, can’t he find a date for himself?

“Stop staring at his arse, he’s probably not even 20. I brought you here in attempts to join polite society, you incorrigible bastard.”

Harry pursed his lips, not quite rolling his eyes. He’ll stare as much as he pleases, it’s a damn fine arse.

Before Harry could tell Merlin where to shove it a tall dark-haired woman was lead to the seat opposite Harry just as a shorter Greek woman settled into the seat across from Merlin.

“Remember, Harry. Play nice and be an adult.”, Merlin chimed in before turning to greet his date.

He did not pout but it was a near thing. “You just want to suck the fun out of everything”, Harry muttered before extending his hand to shake his new partner’s.

Behind them, Victoria began to speak, greeting everyone and introducing the first wine of the event.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you catch the Red movie reference? Helen Mirren as Victoria, the Arthur we all deserve (if Harry refuses which I think he would for at least 10 more years).


End file.
